A Virtual Unicorn

I was recently invited to take part in a Relatable Voice podcast to discuss the recent release of my latest award winning fictional novel called “Hunting the Red Fox” (HRF). Eh, hmm, let me clarify a few things. Every word in the opening sentence is true. HRF is the latest of my fictional novels to be published and released. It is also the only published and released of my novels. I have written a second novel which is finished, in very strong form and ready to go but the powers in charge have instructed me to sit on it like a hen with her eggs until the time is right. We can hatch that one once HRF is all grown up and matured.

As for the award winning part I should disclose the nature of the prestigious prize in deference to the distinction and esteem thereto appertaining. Last week the Tyler Family Artistic and Philanthropic Foundation held a contest that was open to me and anyone else who qualified by virtue of being my wife or one of my three beloved children.

The contest rules were quite simple and eminently fair, in my mind. Each qualifying contestant had a week to submit a published book, article or piece of artwork that has garnered third party critical acclaim. At the end of the week, the Foundation Board of Trustees, that being me, would select a winner.

My wife and oldest two children snarled at me in that usual dismissive way they do when they disagree with my entirely reasonable position on some matter of significance. At least the youngest tried to outsmart me and submitted a very handsome, albeit overly sympathetic, watercolor and crayon piece she made during second grade depicting the struggle of the Three Little Pigs during their collective housing plight. The third party acclaim came from her teacher (an unqualified art critic) who noted in the corner of the production “Excellent Work!” in very large letters ala John Hancock.

I regarded her artistic submission and its blatantly shameful attempt to play on my compassion, briefly, then proclaimed Hunting the Red Fox the winner of the Foundation Award of Excellence and collected the accompanying annual monetary prize of $52 all in crisp new one dollar bills.

Getting back to where I began, in addition to participating in the aforementioned podcast I was asked to contribute an article to this very fine publication, The Relatable Voice Magazine, as well. At first blush I was honored and thrilled to do so. Now looking back it’s sort of like being invited to dinner and then upon arriving being handed an apron and told you’re cooking the meal.

HEY, LISTEN UP Relatable Voice management folks. Please don’t mistake my irreverent attempts at humor as a disrespectful slap at this august paragon of publishing preeminence. I truly appreciate the opportunity you have given me to allow my fertile, albeit it slightly warped mind to run amok like a six year old at the end of the last day of school.

As you can tell, I like to play with words. Sometimes for effect I exaggerate but never deceive. Writing for me is a mind freeing endeavor and fun. Also, I’m told by others from time to time that I’m funny. Unexpectedly so to most.

You might ask yourself, given what you’ve read so far, why would that be? Well, I have been a Certified Public Accountant (CPA) for forty years. That’s a lot of debits and credits and tax returns. People generally don’t expect their CPA to be a creative writer or even remotely comical and I suspect more than a few would rather I not be either. On the surface, they want the steady, unemotional and intensely humorless CPA they expect.

I’m not the stand-up comic kind of amusing. I’m more the out of left field wry, witty, clever brand of humor. The type that sometimes takes a bit of reflection before being appreciated. Except in my wife’s case. She slipped way past being enamored with my sense of humor about, uh, thirty years ago, give or take.

However, for the rest of us, if you couple my sort of humor with a penchant for creative writing, a scarce combination indeed, you would be profoundly impressed what difference this can make in the monetary outcomes every so often. It’s a rare approach for dealing with the routinely dour IRS and the like, I will grant you that. But apparently even they like compelling and persuasive prose from time to time and it has saved thousands of my clients dollars over the years.

Did you ever hear Elvis sing opera? It was definitely rare, but it happened. Snoop Dogg singing Elvis? Even rarer still, but it too happened. A humorous, witty CPA who can write? That’s not just rare. It makes me a virtual unicorn.